Bittersweet as Freezer Burn
by SerendipitousP
Summary: Let's see, how about this one?" Natsu fingered the fraying edge of a quest no one had taken for a while. "You see Lucy out there in that see through skirt?" "I'll take that as a no. What about this one?" "Honestly, we never talk about it, but she's kind of a whore." {Shitpost; One-Shot}
"Oh, Natsu, look!" Mirajane said, pointing towards the front of the guild. Lucy strutted in wearing a low cut red dress. It was tightly fitted at the waist, drawing attention to her lean figure. Her translucent, red skirt flowed around her toned legs like blood. Golden keys dangled from the glittering belt around her waist. "Doesn't she look beautiful!?"

"I guess," Natsu shrugged, too preoccupied to even glance up at her. One hand held his drink in the air, the other circled underneath it, causing the fluids to bubble and boil. In retrospect, boiling beer probably didn't taste too great, but Natsu didn't think it tasted very good when it wasn't a hundred degrees, either. Surely he had told Mirajane that a thousand times, but after every mission, a large mug of alcohol landed itself in front of him like clockwork. Bitter, carbonated clockwork.

She never really seemed to listen, so he ceased too as well. Lately, the bartender would point out Lucy as many times as she could. Her clothes, her hair, her body. She was always bringing up Lucy. Natsu smirked at the glass in front of him. Maybe Mira was a lesbian.

"Oh, hey guys!" Lucy said, taking her normal seat to Natsu's right. Gray sat to his left. The ice mage usually looked perturbed, and today was no different. Same Gray eyes, same Gray nose, same Gray frown. The name suited him, really. But today, he seemed a little more Gray than usual. Charcoal, maybe?

"Hey, Lucy! Don't you look just gorgeous?" Mirajane rambled.

"Thanks! I just came from a photo shoot with Wizard Weekly. I'm going to be on the cover again!" Lucy squealed. She did that a lot. Squealed. Natsu avoiding plugging his ears with his hot finger tips.

"Wow, what do you think of that Natsu? Strong, beautiful, and a multi-time cover girl!" _Oh_ , _come on, Mira_ , Natsu thought, _if you're gay, just come out of your broom closet and say it. No one here's gonna judge you! I know I won't..._

"Yeah, you look good." He smiled and held up his palm. A high five. She accepted it gratefully. Natsu heard a small sound to his left. It was so small that only his keen dragons ear could have picked it up. A moan? A growl? Natsu turned around, but only found Gray, mopey as ever, but not even looking in his direction. _I_ _must be hearing things_.

"You know what? Since Lucy's all dressed up, why don't you and Lucy go out for dinner, my treat!" It took Natsu a few moments to register that she was talking to him. Her shape shifting hand extended out towards him and waved the cash in front of his face.

"Uh, I'm really not that-"

"Oh, come on. It's not like you had any other plans tonight, it is?"

"Well-"

"Actually," Gray interrupted, pushing his chair away from the bar dramatically. "Natsu and I were just about to take a mission."

"Oh, can I come?" Lucy chimed in. "Just let me go get chan-"

"No, it's fine. Just us two, please. Go upstairs, fire-breath, I'll meet you up there." Natsu shrugged, but started his assent up to the S-class job board anyways.

"What the hell, Mira?! What was all that gaga over Lucy about? That wasn't the plan!"

"Oh, I know, but I figured that it might make him jealous." Mirajane said innocently. Gray rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, make him jealous. Well, now I'm going to have to go undo all the damage you've just done. Thanks a lot." And with that, he stormed his way up the stairs.

"What was that all about?" Lucy asked.

"Oh, nothing. Gray just needed to make his move and I thought that I would give him an extra little push in the... _right_ direction."

"Let's see, how about this one?" Natsu fingered the fraying edge of a quest no one had taken for a while.

"You see Lucy out there in that see through skirt?"

"I'll take that as a no. What about this one?"

"Honestly, we never talk about it, but she's kind of a whore."

"Well, that was rude. This one?"

"Like, honestly, the amount of cleavage she shows on a daily basis would be enough to feed a small village if we just loped them off."

"What is it with all of you lately? Why are you bagging on Luce so hard?"

"Bagging on _Luce_? You have a _pet name_ for her now?"

"I've always called her Luce! Seriously, Gray, what's the matter? Did something happen between you two?" Both of their chests clenched simultaneously.

"W-what?! No! She's just- It's just..." Gray stuttered. "Why does everyone have to point her out so much? Every week. 'Hey, did you see Lucy's new dress?' 'Her new hair style is so cute!' 'Did you hear that she's gonna be on the cover of Wizard Weekly... AGAIN?' What's so damn great about Lucy?"

"Well gee, Gray, if I didn't know any better, I'd say you're asking me to stick you in a mini-skirt and send you prancing around the guild like a freshly shaven stripper." Natsu smirked. "Not that I would specifically mind." Gray's jaw hit the floor almost as fast as Natsu's clapped against his top teeth.

"What did you just say?"

"Okay, so I'm just going to close my eyes and pick a job and we're doing it," Natsu interjected, shutting his eyes and waving a finger around the board. "Eeny, meeny, miny, mo- hey!" Gray grabbed his wayward hand and held it still.

"Well gee, Natsu," Gray mocked, watching the salamanders eyes slowly peel open. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you just hit on me. Oh, wait," He smirked. "You did."

"Yeah," Natsu looked away, trying to salvage some of his dignity before Gray presumably kicked him in the nuts. "So what if I did."

Natsu braced for impact as Gray turned his shoulders to face him. The collision was hard as their lips came crashing together. Tangling confused and excited over each other like two puppies meeting for the first time.

Natsu was the first to pull away and speak. "W-what the hell, Gray?! Aren't you gonna punch me or call me a flaming faggot or at least spit on me?" Gray pretended to think for a second.

"Well, you see, I would but then I'd have to call myself a snowy shit stabber to debunk my hypocrisy."

"What are you saying, Gray? I'm already confused enough without all your weird, gay slang terms."

"Well, the original plan was for Mirajane to talk me up to you for a few weeks so that you'd be a little warmed up for when I popped the question, but I guess talking shit on Lucy until you accidentally outed yourself works too." Natsu blushed.

"What are you trying to say? Popped what question?"

"Too bad I don't have a mini skirt for this, then I'm sure the answer would be yes. Natsu, would you wanna go on a date sometime?"

"What?"

"You. Me. A date. Somewhere not in the guild. Just being gay together and not having to look at Lucy's breasts all day."

"Well, uh," Natsu tried to hide a smile behind a smirk. "If you put it that way, then I guess the answers yes."


End file.
